'Confessions of a Space Librarian' by J.H Graham Foss (7055 words)(26/05/2008)

'Confessions of a Space Librarian' by J.H Graham Foss (7055 words)(26/05/2008)

Hello! Is this thing on? Is it on? The red light means it's on yes? The red light? On? Ok. Jolly-jolly. Hello. My name is William H. McGonagall of the Federation of Planet, Satellites and Orbitals, Deep Space Research Vessel, The Hallion. I am the Librarian and Poetry Officer of the Hallion and have served on board for six years.

Anyway-anyway, we had been in deep space for a year, well beyond the galactic rim, I don't think anyone expected to find much, in fact everything had been pretty quiet up until the point of the incident.

Yes, the incident that saw me change from being a mild mannered poet to a kidnapper and murder!

Haha! Anyway-anyway, we all knew that the scientists had found something. They called it 'the Anomaly'. Everyone else called it the 'Great Big Orange Swirly Thing in Space.'

When the alarms all started going off I was on shift in the Library. Not the Digital Library, you know, the Software Tech's look after that, the real library with real paper books. Just to explain, the Ships Computers have over 30 million works of literature on file, but studies have shown that people in deep space feel better if they have a paper book to read from time to time to take to their cabin or in the bath for instance. Ahem, well, company regulations require that due to the Health and Safety concerns of people on long deep space missions there should be a librarian and a real book library on board. However, due to weight restrictions the library was - ahem - limited to just twelve books, all of which were out on loan. So, anyway... that's probably all rather besides the point isn't it? Needless to say, I was not terribly busy when the alarm sounded so I quickly went to my cabin, got my grab-bag and made my way to the muster point. Then the abandon ship alarm went and I went to my designated escape pod. I was first in, then Beatrice Fleer, the Fitness and Dance Officer arrived, then Jean Styler, the Ergonomics Officer. Yes, shame about Jean....

Anyway, anyway, we all just assumed it was drill. We knew about the Swirly Thing, but hadn't known about what the boffins had been doing to it at that stage.

So we were in utter shock when the escape pod locked down and started to go through its disengagement procedures. There is nothing anyone inside can do when the pod starts to disengage. There are not even any windows so we didn't see what happened to the Hallion as we left it. We were just pushed into our g-couches at the pod ignited its escape rockets and blasted away from the ship.

Well, none of us were any good at reading ships instruments, but I did know, from our safety briefings that the escape pod computers are quiet intelligent and are programmed to find the safest place to take the pods occupants.

After a few hours we felt a series of jolts and the temperature of the pod sharply increased.

'What's going on?' cried Fleer.

'No need for alarm my dear.' I replied calmly, 'It means we are entering the atmosphere of a planet.

Something that these pods are designed to do. Although I would suggest that now would be a good time to get into our survival suits.'

'There is a planet nearby?', screeched Styler, 'I thought we were in deep space? No one tells me anything!'

'I can only surmise there is indeed a planet near to the Hallion as we appear to be landing on it.'

An hour later I was proved right as the pod lurched suddenly as it deployed its parachutes and eventually lurched again as we hit the ground.

Everyone had there suit on my now and over the radio Styler said,

'What do we do now?'

'We get out?' I replied.

There was a green light on the panel by the door so we agreed to open the door.

I can't begin to describe how odd it felt for us as we stepped out of the pod, expecting some hostile alien landscape, but then seeing what we saw, which was a child’s play park. It made no sense what-so-ever. There were some swings, a slide, other contraptions used for entertaining youngsters. There was a row of suburban style houses behind the park, pleasantly tree lined, but seemingly lifeless.

Eventually we got our minds into gear and gathered up a few things from the pod. I took some ration packs and put them in my grab bag. I noticed that Fleer took one of the pods laser gun and put it into the holster of her suit. Releasing that might not be such a bad idea I took the other gun and holstered it too.

I was the first to step out into the park, and incredible as it was, after a few moments I recognised the place. It was Leatherhead, my home town. Surrey, England.

'Where are we?' gasped Freer as she stepped out of the pod.

'Surrey' I replied.

The town seemed quiet, there was no one around at all. As we walked slowly and nervously from the pod we noted that the streets were littered and dirty, there were cars all over the roads as if they had just been abandoned. The detritus of human existence was scattered everywhere. Here, a doll on the pavement, there a child’s buggy tipped on its side, the upturned wheels moving gently in the breeze. Cars were parked or abandoned on the street. Air pods were grounded in gardens and sticking out of hedges,

'I don't understand' whispered Fleer

We slowly walked along the abandoned street, all utterly aghast and filled with nervous confusion.

'Look up there!’ gasped Beatrice Fleer.

I wasn't wearing my distance glasses, but I could still make out something going on, on the roof of a nearby house.

There on the tiles, amongst the radio receivers and antennae, a group of people lounged around without a care in the world.

'I...’ I stuttered, 'They seem to be... I don't know. Look that one just waved his arms!'

I was right. There were about half a dozen people on the roof, acting for all the world like a group of pigeons. One of them cooed. When a cat walked past in the street, they all flapped a bit.

'This is insane.’ squawked Styler.

'You up there!’ I called out in vane hope. I got no response, the people just ignored me.

'This is freaking me out', continued Styler, 'Let’s get out of here.'

We walked across the street from the strange people on the roof and down a smaller suburban lane, which was lined with trees. It was summer as they were in full leaf.

We wandered around for a little longer and were surprised by a man that ran past some distance from us, closely followed by a woman whom appeared to be chasing him, and also appeared to be barking.

Without discussion, myself, Fleer and Styler took a different turning that the cat and dog had and huddled together in fear.

I couldn't decide whether to go further into town, or to stick to the suburbs so we walked fairly aimlessly around, looking for signs of something other than crazed animal people.

Eventually we sat down together on a secluded park bench and not long after that the L.R.C started beeping. Er, I should explain, L.R.C stands for Long Range Communicator.

Anyway, it was Captain Phillips.

'Phillips to Escape Pod Lambda.'

'Oh hello captain!' I exclaimed in delight at hearing another friendly voice.

I heard the captain groan on the other end of the LRC.

'Gods. Of course. It would be McGonagall. Did Fleer and Styler make it into your pod?'

'Yes yes, they are here with me now. All right as rain and of fine feckle!'

'Listen McGonagall. No one has no idea what is going on. The whole crew are scattered all over. There are humans here, but they are all acting like animals. We landed not far from New York zoo. I'll never be able to look at an elephant again after seeing what that man did with his.. well never mind that.'

The captain cleared his throat and continued, 'Just stay where you are. Don't provoke them. We are working on a Sit Rep. I will contact you later.'

Two hours later, myself and the girls had eaten a little from our ration packs and had mainly sat in stunned silence until the LRC went off again. This time it was a conference call.

The captain started talking first,

'Right everyone. Listen to Doctor Winter.'

Doctor Winter was the Hallion's chief scientist,

'Ah right. Hello everyone. Well to begin, the escape pods AI must be faulty or maybe when they were faced with what appeared to be Earth they reacted the way they were supposed to. Who knows? The result is that the pods all returned to the home towns of the first person to enter them. The captain and some of the crew are in New York, I am in Dubai and McGonagall is in England.'

'Ah, I see.' I muttered to myself.

'Now listen carefully McGonagall. We don't know what's going on here, but we have been able to do some research. The internet isn't functioning but there is residual data in any IPC we power up. You can do it too with the power packs from the escape pod.'

I said nothing as we had forgotten to take the packs with us.

'The name Doctor Blenk keeps on coming up again and again. Somehow he is connected with all...this.'

'Right', I said.

'The only thing is, we are all scattered all over the globe. You are the only one in the UK and in fact you landed no more than sixty miles away from where Doctor Blenk lives!'

'Oh really?'

'So we want you to go there and see what you can find out, then report back.'

'But won't he be.. you know.. a sheep or a pigeon or something?'

'Who knows? But at this stage it's our only lead so be a good chap and get to it!'

'Yes sir!’ I yelped.

The Captain started speaking again,

'You lot must be the three most useless people on the ship! A poet, a dance instructor and someone who plumps up peoples cushions! Dammit though, you are the people on the spot! While the rest of the crew are trapped in New York it falls to you!'

'Er, thanks for your vote of confidence captain.'

Something occurred to me, 'If you are in New York how can we talk over the radio? I thought these things needed satellites or something?'

'For gods sake it doesn't matter! If you must know, before the reactor exploded, besides ejecting all the escape pods the Hallion also launched a whole raft of comms equipment and distress beacons. Our comms are being relayed from them.'

'I see, I see. What, the reactor exploded?'

'Yes, but that doesn't matter right now.'

'But my dissertation, my research! All destroyed?'

'I expect so.', said the captain grinding his teeth audibly.

'Years of study into the poetry of ancient Mongolia - gone!'

'Pull yourself together! You have a mission, focus on that. Briefing notes are being downloaded to your LRC now. Read them. Get on with it! Phillips Out.'

The captain cut the connection and the radio went dead.

Well, I'm afraid myself, Bea or Jean are not very good in a crisis, so it did take us a while to comprehend the mission briefing, but eventually we got the address of Doctor Blenk out of the LRC.

'Ludgershall? That's miles away!, I groaned.

'Sixty five miles away', corrected Beatrice Fleer.

'We need transport. A car would be ideal. A pod would do' I said glancing around the small park we were lurking in.

'Perhaps we could find one with the keys in it.'

'Or hot wire one, how exciting!', I giggled.

'You know how to?', queried Fleer.

'No' I admitted, but stroked my beard in contemplation as to how it might be done.

Then I noticed Styler staring off into space.

'Looking lost there Jean. Any ideas?'

She turned slowly towards me and looked at me like I was a vaguely interesting rock. She stared for so long that both myself and Fleer became quiet startled, but eventually she said,

'I'm taking my survival suit off.'

And she did indeed start to strip off the heavy rubber suit.

'Ahem, good idea', I muttered and myself and Fleer did the same. Styler then wandered off leaving the suit on the grass like a shed skin. I dutifully bundled mine back up into my grab bag.

Anyway, anyway, it felt more comfortable walking in my normal clothes. I still had my tweed jacket on, and wonder of wonders my pipe and tobacco was still in one of the pockets so lit it up.

We walked a few more streets until we found a car with the keys in the ignition. I turned the key and the car started first time. It was a new model so had auto-drive but when I said,

'58 Barm Street, Ludgershall’ into the voc box it did not respond.

'We'll have to do this the old fashioned way!' I said happily as I put it into gear.

Fleer jumped in the back and Styler took the passenger seat.

An hour into the drive the women were still pretty silent so I started composing a little something in my head.

Not long after that the LRC beeped and I answered it,

'Are you there yet?’ he asked curtly.

'About half way sir, but I have already got a few lines for the crash.

Beautiful Hallion of the Milky Way,

Alas! I am very sorry to say,

That all your heat shields have been blown away,

To a ...'

'For Christ's sake, shut up McGonagall! Just call me when you get there then. We are having a spot of trouble here in New York so good news would be welcome. Phillips out', and the LRC went dead.

We had a spot of trouble of our own on the road, finding ways around long queues of traffic that were not going anywhere. Occasionally a quizzical human would look at us and then either flap, bark or meow. As we got into the country we saw some cows. Real cows and humans that thought they were cows, sharing fields together.

Myself and Fleer gaped at them, but Styler looked resolutely straight ahead.

So, it was the morning of the next day when we got to Doctor Blenk's house. It was a big place on the edge of town with a big enough tree lined driveway to hide it from the road. I pulled up the car behind the garage to hide it from view.

Fleer drew out her laser gun and all three of us slowly approached the front door. It was locked.

'It won't open' I said.

Fleer pointed the gun at it, 'Well, use your ID card. It will have emergency overrides on it from the crash that will open anything.'

'Not this lock I'm afraid. It's an old fashioned mechanical mortis.'

Fleer sniffed and said, 'I'll look round the back.'

We all did in the end. Fleer then set the laser gun to a wide beam and disintegrated a window and cautiously stepped through into a utility room.

The room had a washing machine and a chest freezer in it, among other things, and lead through to the kitchen. The kitchen was surprisingly small for a house of this size but an open door showed a large dining room.

The massive table inside this room was laden with fruit and other fresh food. There were even candlesticks on the table and a lace tablecloth. Weak morning sun filtered through the net curtains and fell on the food.

'Fresh fruit!', grunted Fleer and grabbed a banana.

Styler crossed the room and dipped her finger into what looked like a chocolate fountain on side table by the back wall. I wondered where all this food had come from.

It was then that I suddenly noticed that we were not alone in the dining room. Behind the table was a little girl.

'Don't be afraid' I said, not knowing what to say, but she did step towards me.

As she came around from the table I noticed for the first time that the dear child had only one arm.

'What's your name?' I asked

'Janet' she said and looked up at me coyly.

'Hello. I'm Bill. Where is your daddy?'

She didn't reply to my question but came and held my hand.

'I'm going to smear all this chocolate all over my body.’ declared Styler to anyone who cared to listen.

‘Ok’, I nodded as I could think of no reason why she shouldn't.

Just then Fleer pointed out with her gun that a pod was pulling up on the driveway. I motioned to her to hide behind the dining room door, and with Janet still holding my hand I went over to the kitchen.

'You don't mind if I pick you up do you?’ I asked Janet.

She didn't seem to mind at all and nuzzled into my shoulder.

Doctor Blenk was first through the door, his wife being still at the car. He rattled his old-fashioned metal key in the lock and entered the house. I had my gun in its holster but it was clearly visible.

He looked at me blankly, his eyes moving up to his daughter and then down to the gun.

'Hello Doctor Blenk. Please come in, and ask your wife to come in too.'

We all moved through to the dining room and sat down at the table. Fleer remained standing by the windows, still holding her gun.

Dr Blenk sat down beside me and his wife across from him. I still held Janet. She seemed to like the smell of my strawberry scented pipe tobacco.

I realised I didn't have the LRC to call the captain. Styler had it.

'Where is Jean?' I asked Fleer.

'She went upstairs.' she replied tonelessly.

'Who are you?', put in the man I assumed was Dr Blenk.

'Ah hello yes. I am Bill McGonagall, Librarian and Poetry Officer of the FPSO Hallion. My companion here is Beatrice Fleer, the Fitness and Dance Officer, and somewhere around is Jean Styler, the Ergonomics Officer.'

'I don't understand, ' replied the doctor, 'The FPSO Hallion? What's that, a ship?'

'A deep space research vessel yes. We were out past Crysto's Star.'

'That's.. that's galactic rim. How did you get here?'

I was impressed that the doctor would know anything at all about the stars on the edge of the galaxy,

'I have no idea. But can I ask you a question? Besides you and your family, why does everyone else think they are animals?'

'Ah...', sighed Dr Blenk, 'That's a long story.'

'Until Jean comes back with the LRC we have plenty of time, Doctor Blenk.'

'How do you know my name? And what is an LRC?'

'The two are connected in actual fact. The Long Range Communicator allows me to talk to the captain of the Hallion and it was him that informed me that you had something to do with what was going on here.'

The doctor nodded and put his head in his hands. He was bald and maybe in his fifties, but still appeared to be fairly slim and healthy.

'Well, he's right. More or less. It was my brother. We were both scientists. Weapons researchers for the military. That was what it was. A weapon. We should have known better, playing around with nano-virus' like that. There was an outbreak and before we could contain it, it was spread across the whole globe.'

'But you were not affected?'

'No. To begin with we stayed isolated in our lab. But then... Well. We worked on a cure. I had used some of Janet's DNA as the carrier for the virus, it was a silly vane thing to do, just a strand of her hair was enough.'

Dr Blenk groaned. 'Go on', I said.

'For a protection anti-virus though we needed a bit more than a strand of hair. Enough to make a much more adaptive strain.'

I looked at Janet, and the empty sleeve of her little pink dress. I gulped loudly.

'Yes. That's right. Like I said, we needed more than hair. But in the end it didn't even make any difference. We didn't manage to make a cure, just something that will prevent infection. It was enough to treat my family.'

Something occurred to me, 'Is the virus still on the loose? Will I turn into an animal?'

'No. The outbreak was five years ago. The damage has been done.'

Just then Styler entered the dining room, stark naked and covered in chocolate sauce.

She looked at us and said,

'Hello everyone. Bill, I am ready for you to make mad passionate love to me now.'

'Oh.' I said, 'Oh right. Can you just give me a moment or two dear? I'm not quite finished with Dr and Mrs Blenk just yet.'

Styler tsked at me and flicked some chocolate from her fingers, a dollop of which landed in my beard.

'The process can't be reversed?', I asked.

'I don't know. Maybe. That's were we were. In the lab. Working on a cure. We need.. ah.. more than we’ve got anyway.'

'We've been at it all night and are very tired' said Mrs Blenk, speaking for the first time.

'Oh right of course. Well perhaps you would like to go lie down upstairs? Look out for Jean though. I should try and reach the captain and tell him all this anyway.'

They went upstairs and when they were gone Fleer said,

'You believe all that nonsense?'

I shrugged and put my arms and head down on the table, I was tired too,

'I don't know. I don't know anything. Is this the real Earth or a fake Earth? If it's real then how did we get here? If it's fake, then why and who? We can only deal with the information we have.'

Fleer grunted, 'Well, I'm going to keep an eye on them, just in case they try and climb down the drain pipe.'

'You do that dear, I'm going to try and get the LRC off of Jean.'

It wasn't easy and it involved a lot chocolate sauce....

..but I think I will skate over that for just now, suffice to say I gained the LRC and attempted to hail the captain.

I was certain I was using it correctly, but I couldn't get through to him. I put it on the table and put my head down.

I must have fallen asleep because I was woken up by its beeping and the little screen on it had lit up.

‘Wake up man!’ it said thinly.

I switched on the monitor and peered into it. I could see the captain all dishevelled and dirty.

‘Why are you half naked and covered in.. is that chocolate?’

‘Err.. long story captain. I think Jean has gone a bit funny.’

Phillips shook his head as if trying to throw off something unpleasant,

‘Well, what have you got?’

I took my ID badge and inserted it into the LRC.

‘I recorded my interview with Dr Blenk. Sending it to you now sir.’

‘Right. I’ll review this and get back to you. Phillips Out.’

Ten minutes later the LRC sprung into life again,

‘Still there? Right. Blenk confirms pretty much what we thought. The whole world is affected and it can’t be reversed. Winters is working on things but its difficult..’

There was a loud bang behind Phillips and he glanced round,

‘Shit! Run! It’s the wolves again!’

The LRC went dead once more.

I was worried about the captain but I was also exhausted and I went upstairs to find a bedroom to sleep in. I took one as far away from Styler as I could.

When I awoke it was evening and it appeared everyone else was awake but me. I had put the chocolate covered LRC down by the bedside when I had gone to sleep, but it was gone now.

I went downstairs and saw Fleer in the dining room, eating an apple and reading something on the LRC.

‘It’s notes from Winter.’ she explained to me as I sat down and helped myself to a banana.

‘I need to brush my teeth’, I said, ‘Have you slept yet?’

‘No.’, she admitted, ‘I’ve been guarding the prisoners.’

‘Prisoners? I would hardly say they were that. I mean, we are all in this together.’

‘They are the ones that did this.’

‘Well, maybe. But they didn’t blow up the Hallion though did they?’

Fleer shrugged, ‘Probably not. Winter thinks it was the Anomaly that dragged us back here.’

‘The big Orange Swirly Thing in Space?’

‘Or Temporal Anomaly as Winter is calling it. Hard to tell if it is connected with all this though.’

I couldn’t think of anything else to say on that subject so I said,

‘Where is Jean?’

‘Well, up until five minutes ago she was still sleeping off her orgy of sex and chocolate but right now she is in the garden communing with nature. She’s still naked.’

‘Er.. Righto.’

Just then Janet came into the room and hopped onto my lap.

‘Hello.’, she said quietly.

‘Any news from Phillips?’, I continued.

‘No’, replied the dance instructor, ‘Winter told me they were having trouble with humans that thought they were wolves.’

‘Nasty.,’ I shuddered, ‘Lycanthropes.’

‘Huh?’

‘Werewolves’, I explained with a smile.

At some point in this day I noticed a calendar in the kitchen and asked Mrs Blenk if it was the correct date. She said it was. I looked out the window, and remarked that is was most odd that I couldn’t see the moon, even though it was a clear evening. She just shrugged and said,

‘I have been helping Harold in the lab. With more of us, we can make a cure I’m sure. My husband could explain better than me though why having more normal people, by which I mean people that don’t think they are animals, around is important.’

I nodded, but my attention was drawn to Jean, who was outside in the garden, stark naked, with her arms held up to the sunset.

‘Hmm’, I said, ‘Perhaps we should help you. I shall talk to the others though.’

With the older Blenk’s secured upstairs and with Janet on my lap, I talked to Jean and Bea at the kitchen table.

‘Well I don’t trust them. It stinks if you ask me, none of this makes sense.’ said Fleer.

‘I’m inclined to agree. There are quiet a few strange things going on. Not just the virus that turned everyone into animals.’

Fleer snorted, ‘A virus. Funny kind of virus.’

‘A nano-virus dear. I don’t see what we have got to loose from going over to their lab though. Do you have any thoughts?’, I asked Jean in an attempt to pull her back to reality, or at least what was passing for reality at the current moment.

‘Hmm? Uh?’, she replied, ‘Your asking me? This is all a dream. I’m just waiting to wake up. Want to have some more sex Bill?’

‘Ahh.. maybe later dear.’, I rubbed my temples, ‘OK. Let’s rest. If we don’t get any news from our erstwhile captain by morning we will go over to their laboratory and see what’s what.’

The route to the laboratory was cleared of abandoned cars and grounded pods, after all the Blenk’s had been travelling it for years, so it didn’t take long to get there. It was an isolated and well fortified building hidden behind a hill in the countryside.

‘There is a generator,’ explained Dr Blenk as he turned on the lights, ‘Well, this is it.’

I still had my gun, so did Fleer. Styler had refused to put any clothes and was padding around on bare feet, as naked as the day she was born.

We walked down a corridor, past the empty guard station and into a laboratory, one of several.

I noticed at once that there were about a dozen or so cubicles along the side wall of the room, which looked a lot like the deep sleep couches we used on the Hallion.

‘What are those?’ I asked.

‘These are what will save the world. If enough people who have not been affected by the virus were to get inside these cubicles we could make a cure.’

‘How so?’

‘What we have lacked so far is enough unaffected people. My wife, daughter and I are not enough. But perhaps with you three, we would have enough disparate DNA to manufacture a stable cure?’

‘There is no way you are getting me in one of those whatever they are’s.’ said Fleer bluntly.

‘You would deny the world a cure?’

Fleer shrugged, ‘We only have your word for that.’

‘Take a closer look, please. They are harmless.’

‘I can see well enough from here.’

‘Please look. There is a release on the inside of the door. It’s safe.’

Despite herself Fleer peered into the cubicle and at that moment the Doctor deftly snatched the gun from her hand and stepped back.

‘Dammit!’ groaned Fleer realising she’d been duped.

By some magic, without my brain asking it to, my right hand took my own gun from its holster and levelled it at the Doctor.

‘I didn’t want it to come to this’, said the Doctor calmly, ‘But you leave me no choice. All three of you will step into a cubicle. Please, the fate of the world is at stake.’

‘Shoot him!’ said Fleer as she slowly edged away from the Doctor and towards me.

‘I doubt a professor of poetry could find it in himself to take a life.’ said the doctor mater-of-factly.

‘Assuming you are a real human and not some cooked up fantasy.’

The doctor turned to point the gun at me,

‘Even if I wasn’t. The gun I am holding is. Trust me. Your DNA combined with ours will be enough to make a cure..’

‘I think we should do it Bill,’ said Jean, who had come up behind me.

‘Eh?’ I replied, ‘I thought you thought this was all a dream?’

Jean casually rubbed her nipples up against my back, ‘Well, maybe the dream will end when we make a cure?’

‘Please, not now dear. None of this makes any sense. This can’t be Earth. Dr Blenk, please put the gun down.’

Blenk was losing track of where everyone was in the room, because his wife was by the door and Fleer was…where was she? I then realised I should keep the doctor talking.

‘Why don’t we talk about this sensibly then? I would like to contact our Doctor Winter, he would have something sensible to say I’m sure. He’s a very sensible fellow.’

‘There’s no time!’ cried Blenk, ‘Stop waffling. We need to ge...’

And then Fleer battered the gun out of his hand with a spanner she had picked up from a bench. Dr Blenk howled and hugged his hand to his chest. The gun skittered across the floor towards me and stopped at my feet.

Fleer rushed to get it, but I said,

‘Just stay where you are Bea.’

‘What?’ she gasped, ‘We need to shoot him and stop this madness.’

‘Now now dear. Everyone should just calm down.’

‘If anyone should be shot’, sneered the doctor, ‘It should be her. We can still use her DNA even if she’s dead.’

‘Why you!’ and Fleer went for him. They started to grapple. Blenk was a lot bigger than Fleer, but what she lacked in size she made up for in ferocity.

They both had each other by the throat and were now in competition to see who could turn the most purple.

I pulled the trigger.

Blenk clutched his chest and fell.

‘Oh you fool!’ his wife screeched at me, ‘You’ve ruined everything!’

I stood in dumfoundment.

‘We were nearly free of this wretched planet! We could have gone home!’

‘So this isn’t Earth then?’

‘No. Obviously.’ she knelt down and tried to help her husband, but he was dead as a door nail. Laser guns make big holes.

‘So what’s real and what isn’t. Are you real?’ I asked.

‘Me, Harold, Janet. We are all real. Everyone and everything else are simulacrums.’

We left the lab all went to sit in the small lounge that this facility had. I made Mrs Blenk explained everything. There had been no Temporal Anomaly. What there was, was an ancient alien prison planet that could be considered sentient and that could adapt its environment to suit its inmates. It also had the power to disguise itself as something other than a planet and to affect objects that got too close to it. Overload their atomic reactors for instance.

Dr Blenk, his wife and daughter were indeed who they said they were and had indeed been in a lot of trouble back on the real Earth for mucking around with nano-viruses. So much so they had fled Earth and set off for the edge of the galaxy in their space yacht. But they had been forced to land and had put down on thus faux-Earth. By chance Janet was the first person to step out of the yacht‘s air lock. She had been in deep space for four years and could barely remember what her home planet looked like. Her parents had told her over and over that people on Earth were animals…

This strange sentient planet had been a blank slate for thousands and thousands of years, the original alien inhabitants were long dead. It responded to Janet’s mental images of what Earth looked like, but through the eyes of a young girl.

They had been trapped on this nightmarish vision of their home planet for the last five years.

But when the Hallion had come within range they had struck a deal with the prison planet. They could leave if they could make sure the people on the Hallion were unable to leave. The cubicles had been Dr Blenk’s idea. They were indeed deep sleep couches, much like on the Hallion and would have put us on ice for as long as the Doctor cared to keep us that way.

This also explained why we appeared to land where we did. Doctor Winter had thought the pods had malfunctioned. But perhaps this strange planet had simply rearranged itself to suit its incoming guests, reading our minds in some fashion?

‘Wait. How did you communicate with the planet?’ I asked.

Mrs Blenk nodded at her daughter.

‘Janet. I think she is only half our daughter now, or even less. She is now a conduit for the planet. It looks at us through her eyes and speaks to us through her mouth.’

I looked at Janet, who returned my gaze with a blank stare, until finally she said,

‘What made you so sure this wasn’t your own planet?’

‘I’ve not seen the moon. You can fake humans – sort of – but not a moon, apparently. According to the calendar there should be a full moon.’

‘That was all you based it on?’

‘Other things too I suppose. It all seemed rather far fetched.’

I sat down and Janet came and rested her head in my lap,

‘I like you’, she said, ‘But I suppose you don’t want to stay?’

‘I like you too, but I think everyone will want to go home now.’

‘But it is my function to keep everything here.’

‘Please?’

Jean was stood beside me,

‘Wait a minute’, she said, ‘So this isn’t a dream? It’s all real?’

‘Yes, I’m afraid so.’, I replied.

‘Oh, shit.’ she squawked, ‘Oh. Shit. I slept with you.’

I said no more, but I took off my jacket and handed it to her so she could cover herself.

Janet sighed,

‘It is my function to detain everyone that arrives here. It cannot be otherwise.’

‘Dear. What can we do to convince you? Whatever it was that you used to keep here, it’s gone. We didn’t do anything wrong.’

Janet merely nodded, ‘I know. That isn’t the problem.’

Beside me, Fleer tutted, talking to Janet as if she was no more than the little girl she appeared to be, ‘Now we know where we are, we want to get off. You can’t keep us here.’

Janet sighed and lowered her head, ‘I can only tell you what I told the Blenk’s when they first arrived, it is not my function to let you leave. I will do everything I can to stop you.’

Fleer groaned, and behind her Styler, who had been standing, slumped down in an armchair.

Everyone was silent, sitting around in dejection. Even Mrs Blenk was gazing out the window as if lost in deepest thought. Fleer stood in indecision and Styler looked as if she was falling asleep.

I couldn’t think of anything else to say so I decided to quote some ancient Mongolian poetry,

‘Like a beautiful swan stretching its neck and folding its wings

A dozing girl falls asleep, resting her head on her arms

Evening dusk settles in the fading glimmer

Filling the space around it with its magic, soft and flowing waves

Crafting a piece of extraordinary beauty

Is the Universe, displaying its twinkling golden flash before my eyes?

I gaze, afraid of the slightest move, forcing down the lightest breath of mine

How splendid her golden and silky hair?

For this flash of time, did I leave behind thousand years in my dreams?

Or did I turn into a marble stone with no heart beating with life?

As if in a Heavenly Voyage to a distant world beyond compare

Everything around me looks so new and so magnificent.’

‘I don’t understand.’ said Janet quietly, but I could see I had affected her.

‘Mongolian. By a poet called Dashbalbar. I lost all my research when the Hallion was destroyed. Now I only have what is in my head.’

‘I liked it. I think I liked it.’

Fleer grunted, ‘You should have heard him on the Hallion when he had all his notes to hand. Never shut up with the stuff.’

Janet turned to me and said,

‘Very well. I want to be your friend William. You are a librarian. Perhaps I can think of a way out for you. I am capable of negotiating an exchange on a one for one basis. It is the same deal I offered to the Blenks.’

‘You mean, well..,’ I said then pondered for a second, ‘There were two hundred people on the Hallion. You mean we need to find two hundred people?’

‘No. Not people. Poems. If I can have a copy a poem for every person, then you may all leave.’

‘Wow. Even Janet?’, I asked

‘Yes. If you have that many poems.’

‘What?’ gasped Mrs Blenk, ‘We were here for five years! You mean we could have read you something and you would have let us go? What sort of prison is this?’

Janet gazed over to her mother and said, ‘This isn’t a prison, I never said that to anyone, you just assumed it was. It is more like a … library. With a bit of menagerie thrown in I suppose.’

Mrs Blenk, with her head in her hands, said, ‘Do you have two hundred poems in your head, Bill?’

I cleared my throat, ‘Well, let’s see now. Jolly-jolly, a fellow librarian? Well I never!’

I patted my pockets, I would need my pipe for this.

Glancing over to Fleer, I could see her face was a mask of confused emotions, ‘Ye Gods! You mean to go free we have to listen to Bill recite over two hundred of his Mongolian poems? Is it going worth it I ask myself?’

I gave her a rye smile and began.

Much later Janet told us of where she had hidden the Blenk’s space yacht and we went and fetched it. It was a sophisticated machine and luckily easy to pilot. I set the coordinates for the position of Captain Phillips escape pod. Hopefully we would get there in time to rescue him from the lycanthropes. Something seemed to occur to Fleer and she said,

‘You were aiming for the Doctor and not me, right?’

‘Err of course’, I said although I was still trying to figure out the truth of that. Had I even been aiming for anyone? I don’t think I was, I think I was trying to scare them both into stopping throttling each other, to be honest.

We found our erstwhile Captain, quiet literally treed in Central Park, New York, but I’m sure he can tell you more about how they had got on, besides the rest of it is on record from here on in. We gathered together the others and left. We then made it back to Crysto’s Star. I was arrested. Hopefully just a technicality seeing as how confused the situation was, but I suppose I did kill someone after all! Deary me.

Anyway, this is my testimony. One more thing has occurred to me. The planet we were on, whatever it was. Who put it there? God? Or at least a god like being? It’s looking like now no one is going to believe us anyway. They think the whole crew of the Hallion had some sort of mass hallucination. Well, they just need to go out along the path we took and the planet will be right there. And when they get there, they’d better take along a Librarian and Poetry Officer like they did on Hallion, or they might find they are in for a rather long wait!

Ok that’s it, how do I switch this thing off? Can I light my pipe now? I…*click*