Work Blog 8 : Medical

Medical

So yesterday I went for my medical renewal at Abermed. Yes, my life really is that
exciting. I've been there a couple of times, it seems like a good place, not like
the dodgey back street surgery I once went to in Hull.

Very professional, but I do wonder why a nurse or doctor would want to work there
and not for the NHS or whatever. It surely must be the same thing each day. A GP
must get a lot of variety but these guys must perform the same tests on the same
bunch of surly offshore workers day after endless day. I suppose they are paid
more.

Anyway for those of you that have never done it here is what happens :

You fill in a small novel of paperwork for all the tests they carry out on you.
One of the questions amused me :

'Do you have memory loss, confusion, anger and irritability?'

Well yes, yes I do. But probably no more than any other person that works at Aker
so I put no :D

Then the nurse tests your eyes with a chart and some colour blindness pictures,
takes your height and weight, tells you that you are a fat git, then takes you
to the toilet where you pee in a cup. This is then tested for all sorts of nasty
things.

Assuming you survive that then you get the full hearing test of pressing a button
each time you hear a beep and trying not to fall asleep in a sound proof booth.

After all the fun of that you go see the doctor who makes sure you have arms and legs
that function and that you don't fall over when you shut your eyes.
He then gives you a good tickle and fondles you gently as you lie back and wish
there were more female doctors working for Abermed.

If he does find something wrong with you though he tells you to go see your GP,
he's really not interested in hearing about your various mystery ailments ;)

They then give you a certificate and punt you out again, the whole process taking
about an hour and a half leaving you safe in the knowledge that you are healthy
enough to fall asleep on helicopters, go up and down stairs and pig out on huge
piles of offshore food :)

More chips sir?