(G601 06/09/2025 via Roll20 - JF, KT, AP(GM), AD) 5ED8
[This continues the story of Rogier the bard, a warforged called Gravedigger and a goliath paladin known as Uthmar Shatterstone. They have just finished dealing with a 'slime problem' and have returned to the village to sell all their loot.]
DAY 8 cont ...
A signet ring had been discovered in one of the looted bags. Gravedigger thought it might be related to a story about the disappearance of a noble further north. A bit vague, but he seemed sure enough of himself that the other two were willing to follow him.
He set off randomly, declaring, 'North is this way!'
Rogier made up a song as they walked;
''
A bard in the town, with a lute in his hand,
Sings of the star, and the dreams of the land.
Her light, ever shining, a beacon in the dark,
Guiding the lost with her radiant spark.
''
They were walking through an area of Faerune called the Hills of Lost Souls.
'This way humans!' instructed Gravedigger as he led them in the wrong direction.
Rogier had a look about though and gently steered them back in the right direction - i.e. "North".
They followed a vague sort of trade path for a while and after some time arrived at a farmhouse/inn known as "The Bump In the Road".
Rogier tried a song:
Oh, the night was long, the road was rough,
But the innkeeper had a heart so tough!
"Come rest your bones, for you’ve travelled far,
And a discount, my friend, is just who you are"!
There was a rock gnome at another table, known as Eoghoag Whuglu. For some reason Rogier took a strange dislike to him and made menacing faces at him, attempting to intimidate.
They all then went to bed.
DAY 9
Our brave heroes had their breakfast and bickered amongst themselves. Uthmar talked to Whuglu and told him that Rogier was effeminate. Rogier heard this and tried to intimidate him. This lad was always pulling faces at people, as if he had a mental malady that compelled him to always be rude!
Uthmar growled and pulled faces back, demanding that Rogier apologise to
Whuglu.
Gravedigger turned to the gomish bard and said,
'Run you fool! Before the fighting starts!'
'Calm down!' insisted Uthmar, straightening his face.
'FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!' said Gravedigger, like an alarm going off.
Uthmar and Rogier backed off.
'Very well,' said Gravedigger. 'Amongst my people if you do not fight then you must make love!'
Uthmar searched for an off switch on the back of Gravedigger's neck.
'Unhand me!' demanded the warforged. 'Take your hands off my button! Ooooh er!!'
After all that carry on they were eventually ready to leave.
'This way!' intoned Gravedigger going in the wrong direction.
Rogier corrected them and they continued north - towards an area known as the Battle of Bones - a legendary large haunted battlefield.
Uthmar had taken a liking to Gravedigger and trusted him. He was glad that when he fell in battle Gravedigger would give him a proper burial.
They entered some woods. Rogier and Gravediggers held hands and skipped gayly through the trees, trying to annoy Uthmar.
Just then though, a grumpy wolf leapt out of the bushes and attacked. It was slain but more appeared. It was a tough battle for the three but in the end they dispatched a total of six wolves.
They continued on their way and as the evening light faded they found themselves at another farmhouse.
Even before they entered the place Uthmar and Rogier started flexing at each other and pulling faces.
'If you do not fight, I will assume you are in a homosexual love affair,' opined
Gravedigger. Either the warforged had a screw loose or he just liked to stir the pot.
Eventually they went inside - and low and behold, in the common room was another rock gnome bard, similar to the last. I can only guess that in this part of the world it was customary to always have a rock gnome bard on the premises.
Gravedigger went to throw a sausage at the gnome but Uthmar stopped him.
'Stay your hand, noble cleric,' he warned.
'Hello!' said the gnome, waving from across the room.
'Begone foul being before I sausage you!' cried Gravedigger.
Uthmar ordered a drink for the gnome.
'He will want to touch your button!' hissed Gravedigger in warning.
Uthmar shrugged. 'I don't mind.'
The gnome introduced himself. 'My name is Wogul-bogul Dongul-dingul, the bard.'
The others sat down beside him. He then watched in confusion as once more
Uthmar and Rogier started flexing and pulling faces at each other.
'Grrrrr!' said Uthmar.
'Uhhhrr!' said Rogier.
'What are they doing?' Wogul asked.
'Don't mind them' whispered back Gravedigger. 'This is a complicated human mating ritual.'
'What are you guys doing here?'
'This is their honeymoon and I am here to dig Uthmar's grave after the nuptials.'
To prove his point Gravedigger went outside and started digging in a cabbage patch.
A farmer came out and shouted at him to stop it. Gravedigger threw a cabbage at him.
'It's ok!' Uthmar called to the farmer. 'The grave is for me, I could go at any moment!'
This nonsense went on for some time. Wogul eventually noticed the ring that the fellows had been passing around and perhaps trying to get them back onto whatever track he thought they should be on he asked to see it.
'It is a sigil of the House of Sparrows. I see that it is shaped like a sparrow skull.'
He went on to tell them that it was from the town of Everaska, which was north east of their current location. The rumour was that a nobleman had disappeared - but! - the truth was stranger he told them - the entire village had disappeared!
'And the hearths were still warm, and their food still lay uneaten on their tables!'
He nodded sagely, but received blank looks in return.
'Well anyway,' he muttered. 'If you want to find out more, seek out Lady Mirth Veers in the village.'
